When my column on drama queens (people who are trouble makers) came out, readers asked, “What if the people who are trouble makers are your supervisors and not just a co-worker?” Good question, since if the person who has some control over your livelihood is difficult to work with, the question then becomes “Do you work with them in order to make life bearable or find a new place to work?”
Actually, if you think back to your childhood, you did not have a choice of whom your parents would be and who would raise you. Yet you survived. Therefore, I suggest a five-step process as you deal with bosses you did not choose:
- Stay in control. Releasing harsh words is like letting go of a helium balloon; you can never get them back. So be willing to either respond to negative comments with a pleasant response or walk away. Either way, keep a record of what occurred.
- Make like the three monkeys. If your supervisor is a gossip monger, do not follow suit. Be like the wise monkeys: hear no evil, speak no evil and see no evil. If you’re meeting with your boss and he or she bad mouths a co-worker, after you leave the room take that thought and dump it in the garbage.
- Involve the other person. Help your boss by not letting him or her off the hook. If the person says that top management are a bunch of no-brain jerks, pause for a moment and say, “Well I do not know about that. However, what is in your power to change around here? If you have some positive ideas, I’d like to help make them happen.” The point is to listen and respond with constructive criticism and offer a solution.
- Let go. Sometimes you have to walk away from a difficult person who could be your boss. You need to determine if this is a one-shot situation or part of a trend of behavior. So if your boss curses you out, walk away, make a note, and forgive and forget the situation. We all have bad days. However, if this becomes a regular occurrence, then you still have to walk away. However, now it’s time to report the trend to someone else in the company.
- Ego, keep it in check. Let your conscience be your guide and maintain respect for the other person. We are all people that are sometimes prone to make mistakes. If you have better control of your emotions than your boss, great. That does not make you better, it makes you smarter. Meaning that you can take control of the situation and find a way to resolve the conflict…
When I am placed in difficult situations with people I need to work with I ask myself, “What can I learn from this problem?” It can be everything from resolving the conflict with that person to learning to avoid those personality types in the future. Either way, I’m in control, and I win.
Andrea Nierenberg, “a networking success story” (The Wall Street Journal), is the author of Nonstop Networking: How to Improve Your Life, Luck and Career. Ms. Nierenberg works with leading companies to improve interpersonal communications for management and staff. She offers keynote addresses and custom-designed programs on motivational techniques, networking tactics, and presentation skills.
To contact Andrea Nierenberg, write to The Nierenberg Group, 420 E. 51st Street, Suite 12D, New York, NY 10022. She can be reached by phone at 888-605-5911 or by e-mail at info@mybusinessrelationships.com, web address: www.mybusinessrelationships.com
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